If I may Interrupt...

Trouble in Paradise: let's get real

2010-12-06T11:13:00.000-08:00

Trouble in Paradise: Let’s get real

I appreciate a less formal approach to life. People are their best when they are able to strip away the façade that seems to be so inherent in the business world. Perhaps that’s why I have sadly attached a negative connotation to the term salesman. Granted, there are good, salt-of-the-earth sales men and women, but I have seemed to encounter the following type most often.

Back when I was married, the husband I were vacationing in Hawaii. Aside from prancing happily on the beaches of paradise sporting an iodine-stained abdomen (I had an unexpected surgery right before the trip, appendicitis is no picnic), I was in marital bliss- or so I thought.

Lured by a free boat excursion, we decided that sitting through a presentation and face-to-face interrogation regarding plans to buy a timeshare, might just be worth it.

I have never been more wrong.

After hours of having to answer financial questions, likes/dislikes, etc. and watch them be input into a computer program that was designed to show how realistic owning property in paradise could be, the worst came. They replaced the sweet, funny girl with the boss. “The Closer” I gathered. What happened next was nothing short of public humiliation I will never forget.

The smug-looking man in his ugly brown suit came over to us. As we repeatedly said we weren’t interested and finally just told him we participated merely for the free boat excursion (doesn’t everyone?!) he told us a story of him and his EX wife. He said they never vacationed and invested in their marriage with trips as they should have. He went on to say that the marriage ultimately failed because of this and that as a young married couple, we were doomed for divorce if we didn’t own this timeshare. Really?!

Having bullied me to the point of snot-faced tears, the sweet girl came out and apologized for his behavior. Behind his back she told us he could be a real prick and he should have never gone so far.

The moral of the story: it isn’t necessary to stoop so low to get what you want. Being real with people will save you time, tears and dignity.

So as I continue my current search for my place in the corporate world, I will always remember that nobody likes a prick.

…Oh yeah, and in case you’re wondering…we didn’t divorce because we passed on the timeshare!

Ladies in the Restroom

2010-11-19T09:48:00.000-08:00

The women’s restroom is a unique place. I’m not referring to the frequent smells of mixed perfumes and body sprays sometimes lingering after a quick freshening up. I’m not even referring to the horrendously long lines that are defining at any social event, club, or during an intermission at a play.

The women’s restroom is a retreat where women go to do more than their natural duty (pun totally intended). It’s a place of comfort, social musings, and even a therapeutic dressing room.

As preteens we would scurry off to the room with the stick-figure lady wearing a triangle dress on the door. We giggled, and whispered about the boys we were on a double date with and if we were cool enough, maybe even applied Dr. Pepper flavored LipSmackers – just because we could.

As we grew up, we would sexily saunter to the restroom to refresh ourselves, reapply lipstick, check to make sure dinner wasn’t caught in our chompers, and tousle our hair. It was a ritual of sorts.

Now, however, I look back and realize what a haven of hope public restrooms have served for me. I once got the feeling that a guy I was on a date with had taken some mind-altering substance during our date, because he was, well, acting very creepy in the car. My solution? Escape to the nearest Krispy Kreme. Feigning an intense urge to pee, I hid in the bathroom and scrolled through my phone and called someone who might possibly be able to kick some ass if the situation called for it. I found comfort in that fluorescent-lit, white-tiled restroom as I waited for help to arrive.

A few years ago (this is embarrassing to admit) I stormed off to the ladies restroom where I sobbed (okay, it was more of a hysterical, snot-faced, ugly cry) and sipped at my previously purchased rum & Coke. And, then, something amazing happened. As if by maternal intuition, complete strangers in the restroom consoled me. Not specifically knowing the root of my tears, they said things like, “You’re better off without someone like that!” “Whoever is making you this upset probably isn’t worth it.” And “Oh, honey, come out and sit with me and my friends and let’s have a good night.”

Wow.

Garnering unsolicited hugs from girls that I might previously have pegged as stuck-up airheads; I was touched.

The usual banter (especially in the restrooms of bars) is usually a cordial compliment or some assurance that you don't look slutty if you unbutton your blouse once more. Strangers have offered me their lip gloss when they see me fumble in my purse (to which I politely decline).

But for all these reasons and so many more, I have to say that the women’s restroom is a sacred, special place that creates a unique culture between women.

I think I need to use the loo...

The Last Time

2010-07-12T16:14:00.000-07:00

The other day I had lunch with my editor, Amy. We talked, bouncing around to different topics, but I was struck by one topic in particular. She was telling me about how her two sons are growing and how she will ache when they no longer need or want her to do the maternal comforting things she takes joy in doing as their mother. She told me about a children’s book she has that is unique. The book does not focus on the all “firsts” but rather looks back on all the “lasts” with a nostalgic ache and a bit of reality. A reality that means the future brings change that sometimes makes us sad and forces us to adapt.

I kept thinking how true it is that we tend to celebrate and readily acknowledge the monumental firsts steps; the first time we talked, the first time we walked, or later in life, our first love. But we rarely seem to take note of the last times. And I realized that we often don’t know at the time, that it IS the last time.

When you graduate it’s obvious that you have attended college classes for the last time, or when you quit a job, you know in two weeks that you will no longer wake up and start your day there. But when it’s something you aren’t prepared for, like the death of a loved one, or the end of a relationship, or severe health problems that can alter your life permanently, it is poignant.

It is something that has always made me sad. I’m not one to always deal with heartache or adaptation without a tear shed or repeats of a sad song to somehow relate, curb the sting of shock or begin to transition against what I may want the reality to be.

But I am learning that no matter how many firsts I have, most of them will come to a point where I’ll be faced with a journey ended, a door closed, or a memory that will remind me that my lasts can allow me to begin something new.

It’s kind of a crazy thing to think that nearly everything major in my life will have a last sooner or later. My job, where I live, various relationships, even my worn-way-too-much-because-I-love-them boots will one day retire, and I’ll be sad; but not forever.

That is all….

This isn't Candyland

2010-06-16T16:48:00.000-07:00

Why can’t I make up my mind?

I’m too optimistic in the sense that I am a dreamer and just inevitably think things way in my future will work out the way I want them to. (I totally realize this can also be referred to as naïveté.) At least this seems to hold true for the big, important things. I “just know” I’ll have a fulfilling career, a wonderful husband and a belly that will harbor some well-adjusted babies -- sure to be the apple of my eye.

On the other hand, I am a pessimist in that I over analyze things, perhaps too insignificant to be a burden to my wandering mind. Such as, how many brain cells I am losing whenever I give myself a manicure, or if some obscure comment made by someone I barely know means something alarming that I should mentally prepare for.

I have been genius at fabricating scenarios, possible outcomes and rehearsing conversations I will probably never need to have with someone I will probably never be confronted by.

Why do I torture myself? Ever since I was very young I have spewed out reasons to create obstacles and hardship in the future, but despite this, I still believe deep down that it’s all just going to work out and be okay.

I don’t want to be caught off guard with some horribly disappointing reality and not have even seen it coming. But I also need to get my head out of the clouds and realize that, yes, things will be okay, but this isn’t Candyland and I am not Princess Frostine!

Going Solo

2010-03-11T15:15:00.000-08:00

Marco and I were standing in line at the movie theater when we saw a frail, white-haired, polyester-pant-wearing man at the ticket window inquire about the actors in a particular movie. He must have found the cast to be suitable and announced that he wanted one ticket. In his feeble manner he told the guy at the ticket window that he was a senior (as if his snow-colored hair and lines of character across his face weren’t intimation).

He was old and hobbled a bit when he made his way to the entrance, but he was dignified and I found something endearing about him. I’m not sure what movie he was headed to see, but I suspect it wasn’t an action movie or thriller.

Marco and I commented on the fact that the man was alone. This was somehow disheartening because I automatically assumed he must have been happily married to his sweetheart for decades and that she past away, leaving him to attend movies solo and eat unimpressive meals because cooking for one doesn’t warrant the effort.

Marco thought the man probably enjoyed seeing the movie alone. He told me that when his [future] wife dies he will play golf, drink beer and see movies all the time- and that it will be “awesome”.

I remember the one and only time I went to the movies alone and it felt nice but also a bit peculiar, as I felt like people took pity on me. It was Christmas Eve and I went to a nighttime showing where families and couples were plentiful. I didn’t feel awkward because I was alone at the movies; I felt awkward because I was alone at the movies and it was Christmas Eve. I can’t really use that experience as a good barometer for solo-movie-watching though, but I am glad I did it.

I don’t know if that old man was happily alone, or not, but I know I was happily accompanied. And for now I’ll stick to bringing a date- until maybe next Christmas Eve when I can defy the season of togetherness (which I openly adore).

I love your style

2010-03-01T15:48:00.000-08:00

The fanciful styles of flapper girls and dashing men of whatever years donned the skinny ties, trench coats and those oh-so-adorable hats. Marco and I recently watched Revolutionary Road (not set in the time of the flapper girls) but in the 50s…I think-But not the 50s you conjure up in your mind as poodle skirts and bowling shoes; but a more refined house-wife style. The kind where women are up cooking an enormous breakfast before 8am, with a full face of makeup, styled hair and perfectly ironed clothes with a set of pearls delicately strung around their necks. That sort of style.

Marco made an admiring comment on the style… nostalgic for skinny ties and hats. I sometimes wish I was I lived in a different time not just for the fun of fashion, but for the things that seem so trivial; where glass Coke bottles abound and dancing was a must-have social skill.

I love the conveniences that living in 2010 affords me as a woman in my 20s, but I do like to think what life would be like if I were a rebellious flapper girl who showed her independence through high hemlines, cigarettes and curse words.

Social norms, candy & smoking

2010-01-07T12:34:00.000-08:00

There is an undeniable bond between perfect strangers who smoke (cigarettes). I am not part of this microcosm of nicotine lovers; I am however, an avid observer of their bizarre display of casual camaraderie that seems to combust at the moment one reaches for his or her Marlboro lights or fancy spearmint flavored sticks.

This unfortunate habit can make even the soft-spoken, coy girl strike up a conversation with a fellow smoker. Usually her lead in is, “Do you have a light?” Or, “Can I bum a smoke?” This one in particular really amuses me though. Take for instance, the fact that I may really like peanut M & M’s. Now let’s say I am on a plane, or waiting outside of the DMV and someone pulls out a bright yellow pack of peanut M & M’s. I would never assume that just because I like the same candy and often eat them myself, that I can “bum” a peanut M & M. That would just be weird.

I get that asking for a smoke doesn’t seem very strange on its face, but if you look at it this way, it is. I might have low blood sugar and really need that peanut M & M, just as the person who ran out of smokes might really need her nicotine fix, so what’s the difference?

I think this should change, because if people can share in their love for nicotine and cancer, why should I feel silly about wanting to share in my love for candy and cavities??

Just a thought. If you want to change this social taboo, then go ahead; ask someone if you can bum a Boston Baked Bean….

Girlfriends

2010-01-05T17:08:00.000-08:00

Friends. My selection of close-knit gal pals has mostly been depleted since high school. Whether it has been a falling out that left both parties with bruised egos and licking our wounds in the corner alone, or just growing apart and losing touch, it has happened: I have lost my “it” crowd. I don’t mean popular crowd-No. I mean that group of friends I can whimper to about the most inane things and still not feel judged. Heck, I don’t even need a crowd; just one girl would get the job done.

I remember the foreboding words from my older sister years ago. She told me that no one prepared her for how lonely college would be. Why is it so hard to make meaningful, lasting friendships after high school? I am reasonably sane and fun. Neither college nor post-college (for a couple years now), has turned up this “hey-girl” camaraderie I miss so much.

I do have great girls I can occasionally go out with, but those bring me to the pals that I end up “catching up” with and it becomes a ritual to only “catch up” when one becomes engaged, gets pregnant or comes back from a long foreign trip. These do not constitute the kind of girlfriends I can sob with over her famous martini or help me pick out the perfect “I had a horrible day” accessory.

I have always said that I have gotten along so much better with guys. I don’t know why, but I do know that they’re easy and usually pretty straight forward. I have had a few pretty close guy friends and joked that on my wedding day I may not have bridesmaids, but bridegrooms. But alas, those friendships have dissipated from my friendship well too.

Surely not everyone can still be friends with their elementary school chums, right? This statement clearly does not apply to my wonderful boyfriend who is still very close with a group he grew up with in a small town some time ago. His close group of friends constitutes around 8-12. That is amazing to me and I envy that closeness.

Now, I cringe at the idea of being friends with people I was close to in high school. Perhaps that means I have grown up and matured… or does it really just mean I am the master friend-abandoner??

This is all on my mind because I was contacted by a friend that I went to elementary school with, lost touch with, regained contact with after college, had a falling-out with, and now decided that the time lapse has cured all, at least enough to go “catch up.”

Although I am a girly girl, I may just have to come to terms with the fact that I am a guy’s girl?? Err does that even make sense?

Flawed but Fabulous

2009-12-29T17:20:00.000-08:00

Loving myself isn’t always the easiest. I know I’m not the only one. I have flaws and fly-aways. I complain when I start to gain weight in the area I don’t want, but then turn around and complain that I’m too thin in the legs and should be proportioned different. I think my forehead could be shorter, my nose (from a profile view) smaller (I was given the nickname Pinocchio by a young child, and let’s face it, children are brutally honest). I would love to have graham-cracker golden skin and long beautiful hair (the kind in commercials). But I don’t.

I am fabulously flawed.

I am reminded of my own insecurities whenever my boyfriend tells me how he thinks I am the most beautiful girl ever and that he should apologize to all the other females in the world, because as he says, “it just isn’t fair to them how pretty you are.” Although he and I see myself drastically different, I am reminded that although I don’t see myself as stunning or even more than average on most days, I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I may be awkward looking at times and even down right sloppy on occasion- but isn’t everyone?

So although New Year’s resolutions rarely carry clout and often fail miserably, I’m going to put my best foot forward and try to accept a compliment without downplaying it or pointing out why in fact it is not deserved. That’s just annoying, to be honest. I hater when I see other girls who are (in my eyes) gorgeous and they just complain about the most ridiculous things that are often fabrications of their creative minds.

If I want to be pretty or sexy or even irresistible then shouldn’t I just be really confident with myself as is? I think so.

To all the fabulously flawed ladies… accept a compliment, stop picking at yourself and stop being your own worst critic!

Note: Today I stumbled out of bed late. I was forced to go to work,; my hair disastrous, my face bare and homely looking, and as I sit here and write this post, I can feel another mountain taking root on my face… but that’s ok….

Lil Munchkins

2009-12-15T16:18:00.000-08:00

Babies, kids, munchkins, lil chillens… well they are on my mind. My older sister Rachel and her husband Derric, recently had their first baby!! I’m so excited for the two of them and for my new-aunt status. His name is Ethan Bland Jacobs and he is a bundle of cuteness with ample cheeks that I have not been able to squeeze because they live in Oregon :( I am going to be making a trip up there very soon though.

Here is a photo of the adorable Ethan….

My boyfriend’s brother and sister-in-law had their first baby too! Her name is Maya; often called little Mayita, Sweet little Maya Papaya or other terms of endearment Marco (the uncle and my bf) made up.

Here is a photo of her looking like a cherub…

There is one more baby I shouldn’t leave out…that would be “Baby Shawna”

Baby Shawna is amazing, talented and hilarious, really really hilarious. If you want to know who this famous Baby Shawna is… you’ll just have to start following her on twitter to get a sneak at her crazy antics, cute behavior and twitpics. However, she’s not a real live breathing baby… follow her on Twitter: BabyShawna559

Now… here are a few videos that you should not go without watching. These are amazing kids in all their glory and I seriously can’t not laugh when I watch them!

Enjoy………..

Mr. Potato Head

2009-11-19T17:22:00.000-08:00

Recently I spouted off a quirky but very true analogy about men, or actually one man in particular and it has stuck. First, if you’re a fan of my blog, or even if you hate it and just find yourself reading it from time to time, you have noticed a certain list of the ideal guy—or more accurately, my ideal guy.

Well, recently I made a comparison between Mr. Potato Head and a guy I know (who happens to be ideal). Basically the glory of Mr. Potato Head is that he comes in pieces and you can create him into anything your heart desires—Now before you get the wrong idea of what I’m saying, or start thinking I’m a man hater, please read on…

As strange as it sounds, I told this guy he was like Mr. Potato Head; not because I have a desire to change or rearrange who he is; on the contrary. He is perfectly perfect in my eyes, as is. It’s as of Mr. Potato Head came in a box, I lovingly unwrapped the plastic only to find nothing to play with, nothing to rearrange… but instead an adorable, sweet potato head already just as I would have made it had all the right components been in the box.

I think life is about knowing people, accepting them to be who they are and inviting those in that you feel drawn to. People don’t fit into boxes or even lists, but knowing what you like and don’t like is the most prepared you can be I think. It’s cliché and I despise clichés, but they’re cliché because they’re TRUE… things happen for a reason and I think my list was a nice transition into seeing someone for exactly who they are and loving it on and off paper. Paper is the mind…. Off paper is the heart and I’m a big dork. But I’m a very happy dork with a very nice Potato Head I get to look forward to seeing…

Love,

Sheena

Part I: Visiting My Old Poems

2009-10-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little poetic today so I dug up a few poems I wrote a long time ago. Mistakes and an untrained poem-writer (spacing and all that jazz) may be obvious but whatever...

Enjoy!

NOT FOR YOU TO KNOW
By Sheena Morris

Unfettered minds and bursting hearts gleaming all
Aglow
Sorrow weeps for the hills as eagles soar with wings,
We know
Trashed resistance is a myth of little which we
Show
But in the blink of an eye we stare into the cold.
Morning comes and the sun goes down
All about the land.
People talk, children cry of everything
We sew
A whisper of an abstract, a cotton-feathered "roo"
The silence of a mystery caught sight of wisdom
And grew

TEMPTATION
By Sheena Morris

A raging war within my soul, temptation strikes then takes its
toll.
Weak and filthy I must be to let such atrocity inside of me.
A wire so thick I feel bound, the resistance enormous it proves to astound.
A true heart knows the path from right and wrong
I'm on the path now-I must stay strong.
So easy it is to slip away, contentment leaves as I wonder astray.
how desirable certain things may seem, they're an allusion, a fantasy-
just a dream..
Crossroads appear with each breath I take, my life can change
with each choice i make.
I must have faith, and find the way out, I must do right and
change my route.
A greater gift is beyond this temptation,redemption awaits to
forgive damnation

I NEED EVERYDAY
By Sheena Morris

Father, thank you for blessing me each and every day.
Thank you for coming after me when i wander the other
way.
i want to say thank you for the many gifts you've given
me.
I want to shout with joy of your death that's set me free.
Father, I know I make you frown at times, I know my sin
gets in the way
but when i look up to the heavens, it all
seems to fade away.
My heart nearly smiles when I hear
praises of you. My soul wants to lift from my body when i praise you too.
You are my greatest hope in desperation,
you are my decider
in contemplation.
You Lord, are my loving father, the only one I've known.
It would be impossible, Father, to be happy without you
and living on my own.
I guess I'm trying to say, Father,
I need you every day. I ask you,
take hold of my hand and pull me closer your way.

Animals

2009-10-20T15:08:00.000-07:00

Cuteness to brighten your day and mine.

Enjoy!

Love,

Sheena

I Love Being A Woman

2009-10-12T16:11:00.000-07:00

I love being female; menstrual cycles and leg-shaving included. Not that I relish in these things but I would take them any day over being a guy. Although it seems that guys have it easier in many respects, I know that the social pressures on them are more than I would fancy.

I thought about how happy I am to be a woman when I saw a broken down pickup with a woman sitting in the driver’s seat and a man pushing the rusty clunker across the intersection as beads of sweat fell from his face.. (Alright I wasn’t literally that close, but I imagine he was sweating in the Fresno heat).

I thought about how it’s pretty cool that if I am with a group of guys and am the only girl that I don’t feel the need be the one to offer to change the tire, open the jar, pick up the tab or give my input on player stats and other things I have no clue about.

Aside from being able to dodge the laborious work when I’m feeling like being a girly girl, I actually really delight in the things that come along with being female.

Getting ready for a night out can be a lot of fun. Having the privilege of being able to gab about my feelings and get goofy when I may have one too many drinks is something that I’m kind of happy about. Although I occasionally complain about not being able to roll out of bed and throw gel in my hair as a daily regimen, I guess for the most part I enjoy being able to take my time and make a big fuss.

I have enjoyed being a girl ever since I can remember. When I was about five years old, my mom showed me a catalogue from Toys‘R Us around Christmas time. She pointed out the elaborate play kitchens asking which one I liked, to which I proceeded to point to the little model and her oh-so-pretty black patent-leather strappy mary janes. “I want those!” I proclaimed; a true girly girl.

There is a recording of my Christmas wish list one year around the same age. I wanted perfume, makeup, clothes, “clappy” shoes, Smart Maxi (a Barbie doll), nail polish and all other womanly items that were inappropriate for a five year old. But it is a true testament to my nature and love for all things girly.

A friend recently told me, and I laughed out loud at this fact, “men are all lumpy (no matter how fit they are), but women are smooth and curvy; they’re beautiful.”

Man, it’s good to be a woman.

Death and Love

2009-10-06T15:54:00.000-07:00

I have attended two funerals in the past week. It has reminded me how whatever impression I leave on people could be the last memory I leave them with. It has also reminded me to be thankful for the time I do get to spend with those I love and how life is way too short and unexpected to allow the little things to get in the way of living. I don’t want people to have to dance around adjectives and words at my funeral to conjure up a nice but honest picture of the person I lived to be. I want things to be truthful and pleasant. But most importantly I don’t want to leave without making a positive impression on the lives of others.

There is a person in my life that I feel like has died. In the sense that they once were close to me and now are not. If I had to write his eulogy it would be a great one; and not one word would be fabricated, exaggerated or over indulgent.

It would be a bit weird and morbid to write a eulogy now, so instead I’ll write whatever comes to mind right now.

I miss you a lot. I feel foolish and sorry……… (and then it would continue on)…..

Love,

Sheena

Welcome Changes

2009-09-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

What’s new in my life? Well over a month ago my roommate and I had a bit of a falling out. Needless to say we are no longer roommates. Which meeeeeans I found new roomies that I’m really excited about! Andrew and Marco! Oddly enough they both live in the lofts where I currently reside, but each have their own roommates who they will no longer be living with. The two of them planned on getting a place, and then asked me if I was interested in finding a house in Tower with them. Ummm… yea, that sounded about perfect to me! They are fun guys and will be a welcome change for me.

Also new and different: My mom is going away for a while to get well. It is going to be hard without her but I am really proud of her and the huge step she is taking to get well.

Oh yea… and I started wearing underwear again!

If you don’t know why I stopped in the first place, all I will say is…. SUNNY, my old puppy who I don’t have anymore 

My life is a novel of sorts

2009-09-21T12:27:00.000-07:00

I love to read. I enjoy all types of books really, including biographies, collections of short stories, classics, travel books, self-help books and fluffy chick lit too.

I am wrapping up reading Emily Giffin’s books (for the second time) and just got a book about a woman’s crazy travel stories. I figure the closest I’ll come to traveling in foreign countries would be to live vicariously through Ayun Halliday and her exploits. That is if this whole Ireland/March dream doesn’t come to fruition (a blog to come later to explain this). Only time will tell.

I sometimes feel as though my life is a novel and I’m the main character (the protagonist of course). My escape is books and movies- but mainly books. I become so intertwined with the workings of a character that I feel as if I know her; which is the author’s goal I suppose. I even feel dejected when I snap back to reality and realize that the character is just that; a mere creation that stemmed from a brilliant writer’s imagination—and nothing more. I feel almost sad that they don’t exist, that our paths will never cross and that my bubbling enthusiasm is one sided. It sounds deranged I’m sure. But I can dream to be friends with that oh-so-loyal girl who is interesting and embodies everything I want in a gal pal.

Chelsea and I are launching a book club and have gotten a lot of response so far, if you’re up for a good read, join us!

A Tribute to Chelsea

2009-08-27T17:23:00.000-07:00

Today has been sooooo crazy. Instead of focusing on the negative, crazy crap, I am going to focus on the bright part of my day; a tribute if you will. Her name is Chelsea Bieker. A small, spunky, odd-in-a-good-way, goofy, intelligent humerous goddess. I realize that probably sounded like I have a crush on her. She keeps me laughing smiling and sane throughout the day when I am totally about to just give up and literally walk out of work.

Allow me to share a morsel of her good humor with you (comments posted with her identity approved).

“Thanks Planned Parenthood, at least my vagina will be healthy, but what if I get the Swine Flu?”

Chelsea I am excited about our plans to make our wildest dream come true! Are you??!! Are ya??

Much love to you my dear. You are already easily one of my most favorite people ever.

A Word to the Wise

2009-08-25T14:06:00.000-07:00

I love comments. I love getting feedback, good or bad. Tell me your opinion and I’m happy. But PLEASE no more “anonymous” comments unless it’s truly something you need to be anonymous for, such as telling me that you have diarrhea or some STD or something. I highly doubt anyone would feel compelled to tell me these things, so unless you do, I want your name. I have a pretty good idea on the people who leave these secret comments, but it still drives me crazy! Reveal yourself, please!

Why Do I Like Weird Chicks?

2009-08-21T16:17:00.000-07:00

I think I’ve always had a hint of unconventional taste in what is “cool”. When I was young and watched the movie Mermaids (from the 80s) with Cher, Wynona Rider and a very young Christina Ricci, I fell in love. It was and still is one of my favorites. I was a Christina Ricci fan from the beginning. As she grew up, she took on darker roles and did some independent movies. She was known for her huge forehead and awkward sense-but still hailed by many a fabulous actress.

Perhaps I felt a kinship with her. I have a big forehead too (although I don’t feel that kinship with Tyra Banks who also has a large upper head). As young girls usually look up to beauty pageant, Barbie look-alikes, I was practicing my best Christina Ricci smile. You know the one where her top lip disappears. I even recited the entire Casper movie—not just Ricci’s lines, but EVERY SINGLE PERSON’S LINES (in correct order) at the kitchen table.

I was a bit deranged but totally thought she was this awesome, weird but cool person. I was reminded of this when I recently saw G.I. Joe with my boyfriend. He couldn’t stop talking about how hot the main girl, Anna (?) was. I totally thought the red headed girl was way better looking. Something was unique and not so “typical” about her look. I find that “typical” hotness, trite and boring. We totally disagreed on who was cuter, but then again, I’m not a guy and I don’t dig chicks in that way, so maybe I’m off kilter.

I am itching to see the movie 500 Days of Summer. My boyfriend said he doesn’t like the girl that plays in the movie. I for one think she may be my new Christina Ricci. Zooey Deschanel… please don’t disappoint me. You’re a little weird, but I dig it.

Hats off to all the unconventional, underrated gals out there! I adore you. I really do.

Are You Looking for a Place to Live Where You Won't Be Questioned in Your Nightgown?

2009-08-19T10:54:00.000-07:00

Last night I woke up to the sound of people trying to break down the door to my neighbor’s loft. At 3:30 in the morning I hear pleads, “Come on dad” followed by the sound of shattering glass from these girls breaking the window. No one was home, and for whatever reason the girls decided to smash in the tiny window that looks into the kitchen as opposed to the large, low and easily accessible window that is 10 feet from the kitchen window. Once the window was broken, they didn’t even attempt to get inside, instead they left.

After a few minutes or so, I hear a policeman on a megaphone, yelling to one of the girls to get out of her car and get her hands up in the air. She was not very cooperative, as he started to sound pretty agitated. For a few minutes the exchange of “put your hands up” followed by “I’m scared, I don’t know what to do” ensued. It was a K-9 unit that came and all the while I could hear incessant barking.

After the excitement dissipated, I went back to bed, only to have someone ring my door bell moments later. It was the police. I was questioned in my nightgown and it felt a little awkward.

My roommate was out of town and missed the drama, so I’ll have to inform her. This may expedite our decision to rent a house and get a third roommate in our quest to move back to the north side of Fresno. I love Downtown but it may be time to leave soon.

Anyone want to live with us?? We are fairly neat, fun and can cook yummy food! We like to entertain but aren’t party animals (at least not at home)!

Prerequisite to apply:

You must be awesome.

If You Read My Journal...

2009-08-18T15:16:00.000-07:00

Give me freedom and I’m happy. I think that’s why I love my blog so much. It is the one place where I have complete freedom to write about whatever my little heart desires (minus stuff that could get me fired or turn people against me)… that is meant for the secret journal I have not written in for a few months.

My journal is a scary place to be mentally. I have looked over some entries and think, ‘man, when I die, I hope this ends up in the right hands’. But honestly, it wouldn’t be good for anyone, not even my own mother. I have written words of praise and admiration about her, but on the flip side, I have written things that came from a totally different place; a place where admiration was low and praise non-existent. My highs and lows are scrawled in those pages, and some, literally tear-stained and illegible. Not to be morbid, but I can’t help but wonder what people would think of me after reading my uncensored thoughts.

Some people would be really surprised to know how much they touched me. Some parts would likely make people feel pity for me; I would make their hearts ache.

So what would you learn if you read my private thoughts?

Check back soon for a list to follow…

Ps. Comment one of your private thoughts- it’s liberating!

Where I want to go...

2009-08-17T11:02:00.000-07:00

Since I have graduated college, I have been a bit nostalgic; nostalgic for learning on a daily basis. Nostalgic for coffee breaks in between classes where I sit alone and people watch or talk to someone interesting. I’ve become nostalgic for making note cards, preparing presentations, turning in crisp, typed papers (that I likely crammed the night before it was due). I miss seeing a new group of people every few hours. I miss feeling like I’m working toward something and doing something with my life.

Because I’m in a slump and many people decide going back to school is a grand idea when they don’t know what the hell to do, I have decided that higher education sounds pretty enticing. Now is the perfect time. It may be tricky since Fresno State is only accepting Fall applicants due to all the cutbacks; it’s something I think is worth pursuing though. I miss books, scantrons and study sessions.

The few people I have talked to about it seem very supportive of the idea. I’m going to pray about it and see if it’s something that I should pursue. At the moment, I’m definitely leaning in that direction.

Damsel in Distress

2009-08-10T13:29:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I was a bum. Really. I allowed myself to sleep the days away. Saturday I really didn’t get out of bed except to use the loo, brush my teeth, and eat. The times I was awake and my body tried to move me out of my haven of cool white sheets I resisted and settled on reading a book. At times I didn’t even do that, I would just lay in bed with my thoughts, unable to do anything that did not include an impossibly soft feather pillow. I did muster energy to get ready that night and go out with my roommate and boyfriend though.

Sunday looked much the same, minus the getting ready and going out at night part. I didn’t put on makeup or do a damn thing. Unlike Saturday I was actually restless and really bored. I thought I would start writing my book…again (I’ll probably be 50 by the time I actually complete it) but realized I couldn’t because my laptop screen has been dark and I can’t really see a thing on there. I decided it would be a good weekend to embark on my apron project but realized my financial state was dismal and no such project would be happening. I wanted to go indoor rock climbing which I have been meaning to do for some time now, but that didn’t happen either.

My sister’s baby shower is coming up which means a plane ticket, which means money which means “oh s*%t” not to mention the big, shiny fancy expensive present I’ll no doubt want to get her.

My roommate is Chinese and in her culture it is considered bad luck to celebrate a birthday after the date of your real birthday…which means no putting it off which means I have 11 days to think up something really creative! I’ll have to scratch the original idea I had. But it’s the thought that counts, right?!

My mom says I live outside my means, which is pretty sad considering the car I drive, the fact that I don’t have health insurance and I’m driving around with expired tags! I’m buried under mounds of debt and am suffocating. The debt is old so how am I currently living outside my means? I was cutoff from any last-minute emergency help my mom once offered. I don’t blame her. It’s a good motivator. I had the option of closing my bank account or never asking her for money again and what did I pick?? To keep my empty and sometimes negative bank account, of course!

Although I’m slightly kicking myself now, I am really forced to be more responsible. So I decided I either needed to live more meagerly (although I’m not sure that’s possible) or I need to get a night/weekend job or maybe a new job entirely.

Forget my uncut hair and a new pair of designer jeans I would love to have—how the hell are we going to pay PG&E?

Despite all my financial woes (self-imposed mostly) I am still so grateful for my wonderful life. It is said that the best things in life are free… but are they really??!!

2009-08-06T12:15:00.000-07:00

Life, Love and the Pursuit of Something Better

2009-07-26T11:57:00.000-07:00

I have learned a valuable lesson. ALWAYS listen to your instincts. I become too soft at times and let people in that don’t deserve my trust. I gave someone a second chance (see post below) and it was pretty ephemeral—at least I’m grateful for that. My mom says leopards always show their spots and it’s true with people too. I am a hopeless romantic and it’s easy to let my emotions dominate over rational thinking some of the time.

I’m better off. I have so much to look forward to and I’m moving on with this lesson learned.

Thank you Scott for words of wisdom about life. It sounds corny but I am so blessed to have met you. You’re an inspiration to me and I enjoy our conversations more than you know.

I’m angry and hurt but I know that time heals all. If it doesn’t kill you, it only makes you stronger….I’m getting’ freakishly strong!

Boys, Projects, Life

2009-07-23T14:52:00.000-07:00

I feel like a total slacker by not blogging lately. Perhaps that says something of my priorities if not blogging can make me feel like a slacker hahaha. I am inspired by life, people, places, emotions, etc to take my thoughts and put them into words. But lately, I have been in such a whirlwind that I haven’t been able to translate these things into anything coherent.

I’m nostalgic lately. I may be this way because I started dating my high school sweetheart again! There is so much history with us and we are such opposites, but there is obviously something there so we recently decided to try it out. Consider this a formal announcement!

I’m having fun and living in the moment.

New project I’m working on: Designing and sewing aprons that don’t look like aprons. Really adorable design concepts and I’m super excited to get them going. I will post pictures when I get them completed (which may be quite a while). Every girl should look cute while cookin’!

No Whining Allowed

2009-06-29T15:29:00.000-07:00

I’m ready for a change; actually I’m ready for a lot of change in a big way. Do you ever feel like you’re on the verge of something totally exciting about to happen to you? That sounds sort of passive, “happen to you” but sometimes great things or opportunities really do fall in your lap.

It’s funny how the biggest motivator for me seems to simply be the feeling of being fed up with something. If you don’t like something change it, right? Well certain factors in my life have been the cause of an unprecedented amount of whining and complaining to the point where I’m getting on my own nerves! I have realized that certain factors are the source of my disgruntled attitude and negative vibe I’ve been exuding for too long. When you hate something so much that it begins to change the person you are (and not for the better) then it’s time to saddle up and ride that horse out of Miseryville!

I’ve realized that you’re truly only a positive person when you can maintain a positive outlook no matter how grim the circumstance. It’s easy to be positive about things when everything is wonderful and perfect. So my personal goal as of late is to banish my complaining days and try to be upbeat and positive despite feeling less than incredible. I’m sure this will actually change the way I think and feel about my situation. Also, as weird and silly as it may sound (and look in my head), I’m going to do jumping jacks first thing every morning. Endorphins baby!

So, I’m gonna spread the joy. And if I feel I must vent or complain a little bit to relieve some pent up frustration, I might decide to do it here. It’s my blog; I can complain if I want to  ….but hopefully I won’t!

I'm Still Here, Kind of...

2009-06-08T16:49:00.000-07:00

Hello my lovelies,

Scott,

Everything you ever wanted to know about my underwear, alcohol, an obesity tax, and my first kiss…coming to a blog near you, or at least here, because your random list of topics has given me quite a bit to ponder…

Joey W.,

You made no such particular writing suggestions, (unless you are in fact “anonymous” who commented on the previous post) in which case I will try to “deconstruct the human mind” as you requested.

I love knowing that at least 3 people miss me on here, hahaha (SMT) I didn’t forget about you!

I have not the time nor the creative energy to muster anything blog-worthy at the moment, but I am thinking thoughts in my mind which will hopefully translate into something that will be mildly amusing/interesting. (If you have a special request...email me, leave me a comment or send it telepathically... Until that time comes….

Be patient with me :)

Love,

Sheena

Music: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly...

2009-05-21T10:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was talking to a friend about self-published books. He sort of laughed and said that if someone has to self-publish their work, then that speaks of the lack of quality it must be. I disagreed. Since he is a lover of music, I reminded him that the majority of his musical favs are unsigned artists who, in a sense, are “self-publishing”…only not publishing. The best are usually these undiscovered gems. This is true of the hole-in-the-wall taco shops that offer little in the way of aesthetic appeal but can serve up the best damn tacos you’ve ever had. I tried to speak his language and he agreed that literature can also have hidden treasures.

Appreciation of things that fly under the radar is increasingly the “cool” thing to do. Maybe it’s the fact that people feel like they’re in on some top-secret nugget of insight that makes them special because no one else is really clued in. Maybe some like to be trend-setter and like to discover underground things and introduce them to others like it was their genius self that came up with it. Whatever the reason is that makes “nerdy” people cool and underappreciated art a glorified commodity with the counter-culture community, I dig it.

People like to be the first fans of a band before they become huge- I get that, I do. But I used to sort of cringe with disgust because I felt these cool “nerds” snubbed my sometimes very mainstream, over-played, cheesy music taste that lacked any originality. I used to think that if your musical taste and fashion repertoire consisted of anything and everything “unique”…that you were just trying too hard to be original, and that in and of itself, (in my book) made you all the more unoriginal.

But now, thanks to someone who is a pretty cool nerd, if I do say so myself, I have expanded my tastes and come to appreciate the people that appreciate things that are often underappreciated. That was a mouthful.

I will continue to blast Pink when I want to be pumped and feel energized. I will make no apologies for saying “this is my song!!!” whenever Lady GaGa’s “Just Dance” comes on. I say this because I have an eclectic taste in music, but I really just play what makes me feel good- and often it’s mainstream and a bit cheesy, but I don’t care….

If you find this as hilarious as I do, I love you!

2009-05-12T15:15:00.000-07:00

My roommate and I use this to judge whether or not a person has a good sense of humor. If you think it's stupid, then you're probably stupid. J/K... but seriously it is sheer joy for me.

Apples & Oranges, Boobs & Gays

2009-05-11T11:22:00.000-07:00

Let me preface this post by saying that my intention is not to debate the issue of right or wrong on gay marriage or plastic surgery. I have gay friends and friends who have had plastic surgery. This is not a debate of either of those things and my stance on either of those things will be left out purposefully to emphasize what the issue is.

This article is so fallacious on multiple levels. I am disgusted with this Sheldon Filger who clearly does not understand the concept of comparing apples and oranges. Read the article to see his feeble attempt to use Miss California, Carrie Prejean’s fake breasts as fodder for what makes someone a hypocrite. It’s laughable to me.

To begin, the media at large is ridiculous for making a big stink about one woman’s opinion (which might be sensibly labeled a “hot topic” if she had hurled some derogatory comment in her response to the question of legalizing gay marriage…but she did no such thing). The issue of her response on gay marriage is not what I want to focus on, because that’s irrelevant and has been a hackneyed subject of debate already. The two things that really boggle my mind are: 1. The unfair backlash of the community- both heterosexual and homosexual, for her simply stating her opinion, in a non-disrespectful way. How much less offensive could she have answered? Also, I think it brave of her to state her beliefs fully knowing she would be persecuted for it, as well as undoubtedly giving up her shot at the crown. But again, that’s kind of just a side note. It’s the fact that she has been made the center of controversy over answering the question in her own opinion. She said nothing bad about gays; she simply stated she was raised to believe marriage shoul be between a man and a woman. If she were to state that she believed it acceptable for same-sex couples to marry, would she receive the same attention? No. That’s also an opinion, which some may find offensive, but the outcome would have been much different.

The second thing is that Filger doesn’t seem to be taking a very intelligent approach to his interpretation of the Bible. My frustration is not stemming from any belief held on right or wrong when it comes to plastic surgery, it comes from his foolish comparison of her decision to alter her anatomy and equating it with her character, labeling (what I call) his apple-and-orange comparison, “a veneer of pseudo-Christian hypocrisy”. The article speaks for itself. The next time Filger needs something to write about, I sure hope he can muster up something halfway coherent and intelligent….::sigh::

It's All About Me

2009-04-28T16:23:00.000-07:00

I was recently told (somewhat harshly for my thin-skin) that I needed to focus on ME. A few days after that, I was having a discussion with a friend about varying levels of friendships/relationships. After my friend explained his theories on friendships (drawing and all- it got pretty fancy, these ideas of his), I was left feeling that I needed to give myself some TLC. Instead of putting my energy and focus in other people all the time, I realized I need to just be comfortable with me, as I am and without anyone else’s approval or interest.

It made me think back to that one episode of Friends, where Rachel vows to be her own best friend for a while. She blows off guys who ask her on dates because she already has plans, (with herself). I doubt I will go to some of those extremes, but I really am going to try out this whole genuinely enjoying myself routine.

When I was married I felt like I lost a big piece of my individuality, and I didn’t even notice it until I no longer recognized what I liked on my own or what I enjoyed because of me. It happened so little by little that everything became “us” (which a marriage should be to a degree)…but when you feel you aren’t developing individually as well, it becomes a big issue.

Anyway, since I like to learn from my past I am making a conscious effort to just get back to who I am and what I want and like. That kinda sounds like a lost teenager trying to fit within the world. If I’m being honest though, I do feel like that at times. I think it’s good though because it forces me to evaluate myself and all that junk.

So I’m checking out on a journey of, “it’s all about me,” at least for a while. I’ll let you know how it goes!

By Request... a "List"

2009-04-21T16:48:00.000-07:00

I received this call today:

Caller: Bla Bla Bla Bla

Me: Bla Bla Bla

Caller: “I need you to compile a list of things that will win you over.”

Me: “What? Like what do you mean?”

Caller: “Just a list of things that will win you over. And also include activities that would make you think I’m cool enough to hang out with you.”

Me: Laugh…laugh….”OK, I guess I can do that. Actually that gives me a great idea” (idea being this blog, because everything I want to write about lately, I sadly cannot. Censorship is a B*&$# sometimes).

So….here is a list (and because I’m not sure you want your top-secret identity revealed, I will resort to calling you “secret-identity man”—not very creative, I know.

So on with the list.

1.You should know that any day or activity that involves a jar of Salsa con Queso is just about the best thing ever.
2.I like food, apparently a lot, because it will enhance any activity.
3.I enjoy activities that illicit conversation.
4.Or that are really active or thrilling. Roller coasters, water sports--something that I don’t get to do regularly.
5.I love comic relief.
6.I enjoy being around intimate groups of interesting people
7.I like to peruse through Barnes & Noble, hunker down w/ a good book and not talk.
8.I can turn on good music and just lay there and be totally content.
9.I love getting snail mail (especially when the person can just as easily hand-deliver it).
10.I’m slowly getting bored with my list having to make myself think, so I’m going to stop here for now.

What do you wish for??

2009-04-17T11:06:00.000-07:00

Friend sent me this.... I do a LOT of wishful thinking. Do you??

Feeling alone

2009-04-14T10:09:00.000-07:00

It has been a season of enlightenment and I wouldn’t say necessarily in a good way. Lately people have surprised/shocked and disgusted me. I have felt angry, hurt and dejected by discovering the true colors of people I once felt I could trust. I would rather someone openly dislike me then to act like a friend and then act another way when I’m not around. It really sucks.

I know the expression is cliché, when it rains it pours- but that is exactly how it’s been lately. I can’t imagine how/why I am finding out the character of multiple people at once, but it definitely makes me feel isolated and alone at times. Maybe I’m being dramatic (but I really don’t think I am) and perhaps I’m throwing a pity-party (I am guilty of that) but there’s a time for everything.

I think God is trying to ignite a fire in me that hasn’t been in me for awhile. I know that I am supposed to seek him first and all the “other stuff” will work out but no matter how much I know that is what I should be doing, it’s hard at times to get in the grove. I’m just going to take baby steps and see where that goes….

Oh how I love Thee

2009-04-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

So lately I have been kinda obsessed with owls. I kind of freak out at how cute they are whenever I see anything owl. The funny thing is I can't think of one thing owl that I own. Now that we moved apartments and I have my own space I am keeping my eyes open for unique pieces. Aren't they so whimisical and adorable??

My Ideal Guy & a Bit of a Social Experiment

2009-04-08T16:13:00.000-07:00

My ideal guy and a bit of a social experiment…

So last night I was talking to my mom about different things. The topic of likes and dislikes pertaining to the opposite sex came up. I was ranting away about what my “ideal” guy would be. My list was pretty comprehensive. My mom paused for a minute and looked at me and asked if I were to read a personal ad from a guy, what would it need to say to get me interested? The point was a personal ad is veeery short- little snippets of the most important things. This got me thinking; if I had to judge my interest in a guy solely on a few snippets of info about him, then what would be most important to me?

I still can’t narrow it down to just a couple (not that I will be searching personal ads), but it’s good to know what you really want and what you really don’t.

Soooo I have put together a little list that I think describes Mr. Right pretty well. If you know anyone who fits this criteria or anyone else who knows someone whose cousin knows someone, then by all means I’m not opposed to being fixed up! Or if you think YOU fit this criteria, even better! Is this shallow?- Probably, do I have anything to lose? No!

Note: The items listed below are not ranked in any particular order.

Will love the Lord
Will be intelligent
Will be confident not cocky
Witty
Have a sense of humor
Be artistic
Ambitious
Friendly
Honest
Loyal
Optimistic
A go-getter
Motivated
Adventurous
Mysterious
Well-rounded (maybe travel/ life experiences)
Be some that doesn’t need to be flashy
Humble
down-to-earth type
independent
Generous
Will love animals
will enjoy reading
takes good care of himself
enjoys the outdoors
Have his own sense of style
Be a little rough around the edges
Handsome (typically I’m drawn to dark hair/eyes)
Good with people
And most importantly, he must adore me!

I'm sure I have left a lot of specific things out..but off the top of my head this is what sounds good =)

Tribute to my sista

2009-04-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

My older sister, Rachel (the greatest sister in the world I might add) has some very exciting news. She and her husband Derric have been trying to get pregnant for a while now. Her hopes were dwindling and she was feeling dejected each month she found out she wasn’t pregnant. She told me that her friend put it best when she said “when you’re trying to get pregnant you live your life 30 days at a time.”

A few weeks ago she took a myriad of home pregnancy tests. After about 8 “positive” tests and wading through the blur of semi-pink lines, differing brands and types of tests, she finally felt a tinge of excitement that just maybe she could actually be on her way to motherhood!

I’m so happy for her and Derric and am of course ecstatic about being auntie Sheena!

I’m so proud of her for all the things she has worked so hard for. I admire and respect her so much….even though I can be a brat and also want to punch her at times.

Since she was very young she always wanted to be a veterinarian when she grew up. She went to like 9 or 10 years of college and is now “Dr. Jacobs”. When she went to Alaska for her undergrad she met her husband Derric and married him in the summer of 2006. She and her husband bought a house in Oregon and are going to be parents! She is a career woman, an amazing cook, intelligent, beautiful, and just plain cool in her own nerdy way  That’s why I am super excited for her visit in June! Everybody loves her—especially me.

people are sweet and moving day approaches

2009-03-31T09:00:00.000-07:00

So yesterday a friend of mine did something really funny & sweet. Knowing that my weekend was less than stellar, he called me at work at the start of the work day and made up a funny “survey” all about me. It definitely made me laugh. Then at exactly 5:30 (when I get off of work) he called my work phone again and started singing a little song about me! He said he wanted my day to end great, just as it started (with his call).

I appreciate random, funny things like that and it put a smile on my face. So thank you for that…You know who you are!!

On another note: Tomorrow evening is moving day for us. We aren’t going too far though (we’ll be in the same complex). And since we have only lived at the current loft for a few months (and also because of the lack of storage space) we don’t have a lot of acquired junk to sift through.

Pizza & beer if you want to help or just come and hang out! I’m sure over the weekend (after big hat days of course) we’ll be having a painting party to paint the walls. Painting is more fun w/ people; so come paint with us!

VW vans are awesome

2009-03-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

I want a VW van. I would make it all cozy and funky inside; it would be like a bedroom on wheels! Anyone want to buy me one??

Trying new things and lessons to learn

2009-03-29T15:07:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I got to ride on a Harley--which is something i have always wanted to do. It was such a gorgeous day! The sun felt great and the scenery where my friend and I went was pleasant. We stopped off at humphrey Station for lunch (It is apparently where all the bikers go to eat because there was a grip of 'em). I had fun and am already itchin' to do it again.

I meandered through Tower earlier today and had a cup of coffee, visited a few shops, read my book and enjoyed the weather.

Today is a nice contrast from the events of last night. I am growing and realizing how i have to just let things roll off of me for my own sanity. I have to remind myself that anger accomplishes nothing and life is too short to live it in an angry state....

Lesson of the day: Don't let things get the best of you--no matter what!

Oh yeah..and it looks like we are getting the two bedroom apartment that opened up. Yay for having my own space. I'm really excited about having my own balcony off the bedroom too.

Ramblings of yesterday

2009-03-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

Morning:

So yesterday was an interesting day. It started off kind of funny. As I’m getting out of my car at work this attorney who has a practice next door is also getting out of his car. I have talked to him once a long time ago; I think he came into the magazine before. Anyway, he looks over at me and says from across the parking lot “Excuse me but this going to sound a little strange…” Then he proceeds to tell me about a job opening doing work that I am qualified for. He tells me they do family law and do a lot of divorces and things of that nature. Me hearing the word “divorce” perk up and say the first stupid thing that comes to mind… “Oh! I just got a divorce!” (As if this somehow gives me a connection with him). It’s like telling a zookeeper that you have pets at home. He didn’t quite know what to say to that, but the moment passed quick enough. He then tried to sway me by telling me about all the paid holidays, great benefits and health coverage, etc… I can’t say I wasn’t a bit shocked that he was telling me all of this right after he confirmed that I work next door. It ended by him giving me his card and telling me to email my resume and yada yada.

Evening:

I had to go this real heroes dinner award ceremony put on by the Red Cross. I was to interview this young boy who was being honored with the Youth Good Samaritan award because he ran back in his burning home to rescue his 2-year-old brother. After interviewing the boy and his family, I turn off the voice recorder and tucked it safely into my purse. On two more occasions I pull it out to record more things for the article. It isn’t until the last time I try to use it that I realize the memory is full and there are no current open files to store all the things I have been “recording”.

A little later in the evening:

Soon enough I forget all about my technological glitch and am highly amused by our table of women. At first it was just Shirley and I, then these three girls and this woman who owns a fancy restaurant in town come and start to liven things up a bit….ok a lot. The woman is in her early 60’s and was acting like she was a sassy 20-something. She was drinking and enjoying herself, and drinking some more. She became really loud and goofy (the kind of goofy that when you laugh so hard you accidentally snort). At some point two women from a local TV station ask if they join our table. They settle in. Eat. Drink. Laugh and repeat. I am amused because I have always wondered how the straight-edged professional news people let their hair down. They jokingly tell us that they ditched their own table because it was “a buzz kill” and they thoroughly seemed to be delighted with their new table.

Ending:

After we went to Veni’s and met up with some friends and learned that when girls walk by, they “strut their stuff”. By the time I was advised to watch out for this particular walk, it had become too crowded and thus sadly I did not witness any strutting of any stuff.
It was a pretty good day.

Siren's Feast, an Edible Odyssey

2009-03-25T15:27:00.000-07:00

I did not write this…but this is the crazy cool book I am going to read and review...
A Siren’s Feast, an Edible Odyssey (Best Books Award Finalist)

Set against the backdrop of the late 60’s and early 70’s Nancy Mehagain’s delicious memoir tells the tale of a young woman who heeded the siren’s call to a life of freedom and romance. A first generation Armenian American whose family narrowly escaped genocide, the rebellious daughter left behind the safety and security of suburban life for an unforgettable adventure that would find her establishing the first vegetarian restaurant on the Spanish island of Ibiza, having an affair with a Bedouin gypsy during a stint as a cabaret dancer in Syria and through a serious of mishaps, incarcerated for sixteen months in a London prison (along with her newborn baby) when she managed, even there, to pioneer a healthy way of eating. A breathtaking, sensual and page-turning chronicle that whisks you along the author’s lifelong path to spiritual enrichment, Siren’s Feast, An Edible Odyssey, is a story that captures a colorful era and features over 40 recipes as delectable as the journey itself.

Today

2009-03-23T23:03:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day!

1. Work was busy and I felt productive--which is always a nice feeling..
2.We were sent this book at the magazine that sounds really interesting and I get to do the review on it, which i'm excited about--I'll be sure to put some updates on here about it for any book worms!
3. I had a splendid date night with my mom tonight. We went to dinner and a movie. We saw I love you, Man...it made me laugh pretty hard.
4. And the thing i am super excited about is a new project I have been thinking about for some time now. it was actually a great idea my mom had, but I am getting the ball rolling. For now (at least until I have made significant headway on it) I am going to be pretty closed mouth about it. I love being involved with something where you have a vision and then you get to create something to make your vision a reality....so fun!! I'm sounding really obscure in my whole "secret project" talk, so I'll leave it at that for now.

Must go blow dry my hair and finish an article...deadlines await :-/

2009-03-20T16:22:00.000-07:00

Power can make people stink...

2009-03-12T12:56:00.000-07:00

So today I was thinking about corporate big-shots who have a plethora of power and scarcity of time. I have talked to CEOs who have (on the surface) everything put together nicely. But I got to thinking about this book I read, loved and recommend to anyone who is interested in business, moving on up in the world professionally or just likes to be entertained. It’s called Basic Black by Kathy Black…cute, right?

Anyway, this woman openly writes about the ups and downs of her professional life and the experience she acquired to become powerful, rich and well, a “bitch”. The more I look around I find it sad that people who have so much power seem to only be respected for their accomplishments in their professions, but not as human beings. Obviously this isn’t always the case but it makes me wonder if these people (those with a disgusting amount of influence) started out callous, jaded and downright mean--or did the world make them that way? Are they like that out of necessity or are they just wretched people on their own?

I’ve always thought that if I were to run a company I would be a bigwig that people would actually like and want to work hard for. You can’t please everyone and apparently this post was just me analyzing and wondering why people are so….uuggghhh. Eloquent. I know. I make no sense, but writing this made me feel better.

Back to Gratitude

2009-03-06T12:31:00.000-08:00

Years ago I kept a gratitude journal of things I was thankful for each day—Big and small, random and significant. Whatever made my day a little brighter and my smile a little wider. In the midst of trials I think the most uplifting thing a person can do for themselves is to stop and think of all the blessings in life!

I was recently looking back over a journal I used to keep (when I was dedicated enough to write in it), and I found an entry that really made me glad I wrote it down to remember and revisit. It was at a low point in my life and I was having a particularly down day. My mom took off of work, loaded me and the dog into her car and drove us around town. She took me to some places that gave me perspective even through my tears. We went where a lot of homeless people were gathered and lived, we went to a cemetery (sounds morbid but was a calming experience) and had some downtown adventures (which included her locking her keys in her car).

Overall, these things really put my problems into perspective and allowed me to step out of my personal hell at the time. It was oddly therapeutic for me.

But aside from meaningful realizations…what I really love is just good ol’ fashion gratitude for even the little things, which is what I want to get back to! It’s good for the soul, right?

What I’m thankful for today (so far):

1. It’s sunny outside today!
2. I woke up on time (despite getting only 4 ½ hrs of zzz’s)
3. It’s Friday!
4. My roommate and I seem to have smoothed over our differences
5. more to come on this delightful day…..

Funny, old dying people

2009-02-23T11:12:00.000-08:00

Working for a magazine I have definitely had my share of insights and have seen/heard just plain funny things that make me smile.

The elderly are precious, but one thing that strikes me as eerie is their awareness of their own mortality. You’ll hear an elderly person talk about their old age: their creaky bones, painful arthritis and perhaps how their new hip-replacement allows them to walk beside their Maltese or Weiner dog. Aging inevitably means approaching DEATH but no one likes to talk about death-especially their own demise.

That’s why I find it awkward to playfully laugh when I am told “I can’t renew my magazine subscription past a year; I’m 89 years old, who knows if I’ll still be around.” To think of the magazine showing up to an overflowing mailbox because Gladys didn’t make it, is something I’m not sure I should laugh about. If they laugh, then I’ll engage in the playful, slightly morbid banter, but otherwise I won’t so much as chuckle. I guess people are getting better at acknowledging reality and more comfortable with death.

New Beginnings

2009-01-28T16:50:00.001-08:00

i am going through a divorce right now and although it is not something I really ever thought would be part of my reality, I'll admit it was always tucked away in the back of my mind. Not sure why. Maybe because it is so common and accepted these days or perhaps it is because subconsiously I bought into the notion that since I lacked the traditional two-parent household growing up that I was somehow destined to fall victim to the nasty "D" word.

However, for me and my still legal husband, it has not been "nasty". I feel strangely aware of the fact that the claws have not come out and also happy that I suspect they will never. A peaceful amicable divorce is what everyone hopes for, right? Of course aside from those that dream of the "happily ever after" that really does last forever. In the midst of our "healthy" divorce process thus far, I am torn between my reality now and what my future may or ::gasp:: may not ever hold.

While I am now on my way to being single again that means a whole new world of possibiliy is open for me. I moved out of the apartment my husband and I shared. I ventured south-far south for Fresno and moved Downtown into a really nice loft which I share with a roommate. The combination of "Downtown Fresno" and "really nice loft" seem to leave people scratching their heads--until they come over for a visit.

My roommate and I get a good dose of each other because we work together. We have to keep a sense of humor--which we do the majority of the time. Sharing a loft means we don't have a whole lot of privacy. Infact we are already looking out for 2-bedroom units for the sake of our sanity! Apparently the swanky feel of the place can only go so far until you begin to miss the simple pleasures like privacy and not having to utter "don't look" as your clothes hit the floor.

Anyway, the experience of living with a roomate and a girl is new to me and I often find myself humored by the funny thigns that happen. My roommate and I can complain about how we need to start exercising more regularly, do yoga and "feel the burn," but instead we decide to drive out of our way to pick up a chocolate silk pie--which we are then too eager to eat to allow it to thaw out. We have discovered that when wine is on sale there is no need to buy just one bottle. We find that desperation sometimes does call for drastic measures.

My sense of independence has grown over the last couple months and I feel complled to reinvent myself and try new things. I am going to take ballroom dancing lessons, volunteer my time to a good cause and begin working toward a more spontaneous me. But in the meantime I need to go organize my thoughts so my $150-an-hour therapy session does not come and pass in vain.